I have a daughter who has been struggling for quite some time with an eating disorder. I first noticed the signs when she was about three years old. She would chew her food and spit it out. She knows she has a problem and has sought out help from a few trusted people, me being one of them.
I never really thought about the cause of this, seeing as how she struggled for so long and started so young. But last week, being the good dietitian I am, decided in order to conquer this, knew it was time to discuss why she feels she can't eat.
Wow, I never expected what happened next. "Mom" she said, "I don't want to look like you". Tears wanted to flow, anger wanted to explode, but truth told me I couldn't be sad or upset. Truth told me, I don't want to look like me either.
This particular child has been told from the day she was born that she looked like just like her mother. She had my eyes, my coloring, and my smile. I remember thinking as a young mother how much I wanted a child that looked like me, because I wanted to be able to appreciate the beauty other people saw in me that I couldn't see through all the stereotypes of beauty I held.
I never imagined the result. After years of hearing me say, over and over again, "I am ugly", "I am fat", "I will never be worth anything" because of my weight, she has adopted that as her problems now, too.
I know we will conquer this eating disorder, we have seen so much progress in just the last year, but I am not sure how either of us will recover from the lasting effects of the words that have been spoken.
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